We have the innate ability to continuously mark the passage of time. Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, the passing of seasons, all serve to constantly remind us that time continues it’s perpetual march forward.
The passage of a year is a marker for which we constantly compare our lives. It’s how we mark progress and the lack of it. We also use it as an anchor to remember; how far we’ve come, where we’ve been, what we’ve done, and who we’ve loved and lost.
A year is coming up quick for me. A year has now passed since I started writing the next chapter of my life, it’s been a year since I moved back home to New Hampshire.
It’s been a good year, well as good as you can expect for starting a new chapter, the first year of a big change is always rough and I was naive for expecting anything different. It always takes time for you to re-root and flourish in the way you did before.
In this past year I’ve grown in ways I didn’t know were possible. I gained a lot and I lost a lot. If I look back at what I expected from this move I expected that I’d forge forward from where I left off, however I should have know starting over means just that.
I watched as my best friend and lover fell into the depths of depression and drug abuse. I watched as he triggered bipolar disorder, watched as he threw away everything he had ever worked for, I stood and watched him destroy our relationship.
I met the single greatest person I could ever meet at a time where everything I knew crumbled around me. I met someone who challenges me, someone who knows my faults and encourages me to face them. I met someone who has helped me see the mess that was around me and cared about me enough to help me through it.
I lost a beautiful apartment in the area I wanted to live. I moved back with my mother and see no immediate solution to that.
I worked one horrible job, that wasn’t for nothing it’s where I met the person who showed me there was better, and I’ve started another job that has more potential.
I’ve encountered economic hardship and finally have been able to recover from it enough to start putting away money for future dreams.
I bought out my car and have something of value that I will fully own in time.
I got an official diagnosis and managed almost a full year without daily pain medication.
I’ve made new friends and have had new experiences.
As hard as this year was, it was also beautiful and full of life.
I’ve learned and grown a lot and I’ve prepared myself well for next year and those after it.
It was a year well needed and a year well welcomed.
I start this year with a newfound sense of hope. Things can only get better as I continue to write this chapter and slowly carve out a space in which to live.