The past month has been a complete and utterly destructive (in a good way) whirlwind.
I don’t even know where to being so I’ll start from the beginning, that’s usually the best.
I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years, Kurt, and started dating my co-worker, Max.
The gears for this had been set in motion long ago, and if I’m being honest with myself it started back on Long Island.
My relationship with Kurt had been going south for quite sometime, but for selfish reasons, and for the hope that it would get better, I stayed with him.
When we moved back to New Hampshire it became clear that it wasn’t going to work out. He had his manic episode and said a lot of things, compounded on prior things he’d said, that made me question wether or not he actually cared about me.
Enter Max. Max was one of the first people I clicked with at work. It was a slow evolving friendship. He’d sarcastically sass me and I’d do the same, however he’s much better. I remember the first day he sassed me and I spent the rest of the day thinking of the perfect comeback, when I finally ran into him I said it and his response was so quick and so perfect I knew I had to be his friend.
Flash forward to March. It’s our other co-workers birthday and Max refuses to get free pancakes at IHOP alone. I go with him. We realize we have far more in common than we ever thought. Also at this point we had been texting like crazy, texting until the early hours of the morning 1am, 2am, you get the idea.
Before this I had been wrestling with my feelings about him. I was unsure if I liked him because he was paying attention to me or if I honestly did have genuine feelings for him. I had a dream in this time span where we were just cuddling on the floor watching tv. I shoved the feelings deep, deep down not wanting to admit to myself that I was falling for him.
The week of my birthday was when it became extremely clear that something was happening. I had a little too much to drink at a friends party and texted him this,
“I can’t tell if I like you or not”
He then drove 20 minutes on a Monday to celebrate my birthday eve with me and some friends. Kurt refused to walk the 5 minutes to the restaurant because it was past his bedtime (9pm). Max then proceeded to come to my birthday party that next weekend.
It was then, the next Tuesday when we went on a date that I realized if I was going to keep down this path I’d be cheating on Kurt which I didn’t want to do so that Thursday I ended it.
A month later and here we are.
Currently both our lives are a little chaotic and this relationship is going to get even more interesting than it already is. Honestly, whenever I meet his friends they can’t believe how alike the two of us are and the same goes for my friends. It always makes me laugh because mentally, spiritually, etc we’re the same kind of person but physically we’re polar opposites. He’s 6’3” and I’m 5′ exactly. He weighs about 260, I’m 110. Not to mention I clean up well, and he’s got this huge beard, shoulder length hair, and wears metal t-shirts. I love it. I love all of it.
It all just feels so effortless with him compared to how it felt like a constant uphill battle with Kurt. Not to mention since we were friends before he knows all of the baggage I’m carrying and isn’t phased by it. I also know his and I’m not concerned.
I realize I digressed a bit, when I was saying it was chaotic we’re both actually in the process of moving back to our parents. Kurt won’t let me back out of our lease early and I can’t continue living with him because he’s not handling this break up well at all. This weekend is when it all goes down.
I’m also interviewing for a new job today, at a Credit Union, as much as I really want a new job I’ll admit that I’m going to miss seeing my eye candy at the printer and casually running into him on the floor, that and eating lunch with him.
I should also tell you the bigger news in my life right now.
I went to the rheumatologist last week and FINALLY, FINALLY, FINALLY, got the diagnosis of Fibromyalgia. However, the rheumatologist and I decided that medication for me at the moment isn’t the right option. I told her the main reason I went was to finally solidify a diagnosis as to what is wrong with me and that I had the feeling it was Fibro all a long and that I was treating myself as if that’s what I had. We decided that at the moment what I’m doing is helping and that I just need to continue to watch stress, diet, and attempt to exercise more.
We did decide that if my symptoms get worse again, back to what they were, we can always reevaluate medication, but we really want to exhaust all options first because she and I both agree that I don’t want to rely on the pain meds for the rest of my life, I am only 25.
So for now my life is on the up and up. I’m finally happy, which it was a big thing for me to realize and admit that I was extremely unhappy in that last relationship. It was just draining me in so many different ways, and honestly I was convincing myself that I was the problem when I wasn’t at all.
I called it when I said 2014 would be the year of change. I couldn’t be more excited for where my life is heading and the trajectory I’m now on.
Let’s see what the summer brings now.