2 months

Really, I’m ashamed. 

I have been absolutely terrible about keeping this blog up-to-date. Seriously, it’s really, really, bad. 

I suppose it’s because my life here is not as interesting as it used to be. My work drama is summed up in that I just work with idiots who in all actuality don’t make my job any harder, they just make it more mind-numbingly boring. 

I would like to tell you how the Fibro Support group I joined is going but I am never able to make their meetings because they occur at 5pm which is when I get out of work. Needless to say I don’t think that’ll be working out. 

I do have some news though on the Fibro front. I have now gone two successful months without medication. Honestly, I attribute ALL of this to the significant decrease of stress at my job. I don’t take this job home with me and I don’t actually care about it at all. 

I was talking with someone recently about it and I realized I was so stressed at my last job because it demanded a lot from me. Since I personally knew the owners and it was a small, family, business I felt compelled to always go above and beyond. It’s different when a boss asks you to do something than when the owner of the company, who’s also your friend, asks you to do something. Where I work now I’ve never met the owners, and it’s a company with more than one office and the bar the standards are set to is so low there is really no need to try. Which is perfect for me. 

That is not to say that I don’t do my job to the best of my abilities, it’s clear I do, they keep giving me more responsibility, but at the end of the day if I don’t finish something I don’t care that I didn’t get it done, no one is going to call me later that night to check up. They’re also not going to ask me to work overtime. 

I really can’t explain what it feels like to be able to go day-to-day without taking meds again. I feel like I finally have a grasp on this thing after years of it only getting worse it’s finally starting to be something I can manage. Which is all any of us can ever ask for! 

I’m not saying that miraculously my symptoms went away or that I never flare. I actually just had the mother of all flare ups. 

I came down with a cold/flu/sinus infection pretty quickly on Thursday and by Friday morning I couldn’t move. Does this ever happen to anyone else when they’re sick? It’s like my lower back and shoulders instantly become the most painful places. It’s funny because I feel like it’s my body just giving up on attempting to control the pain signals and instead forcing all its efforts on fighting whatever illness I have. 

But enough of that. I feel like every post I have written has been me just talking about how great I’ve been feeling. Honestly though, I’m just waiting for it to end. I feel like something could change and I could go back to needing the meds again. Regardless I’m hoping that my trip to the doctor in a few weeks finally gives me some answers. I really don’t care what’s wrong with me, at this point I’ve learned to live with whatever it is, but I just want the comfort of knowing once and for all this is something chronic, something not yet curable, and most importantly not something worse. 

And one last little note here, I can’t remember if I mentioned this in my last post or not, but I am finally getting back to doing photography and working on a body of work. I’m really excited about my ideas. I’m giving myself a year to compile an ongoing body of work so that I can maybe apply to artist is residency programs abroad as well as start submitting my work into shows. 

I’ll keep you updated on everything as it happens. And yes, this is another empty promise to post more.

Week Alone Movie Nights: War Horse

One of the big things I’m doing during this week alone is watching all the movies I’ve ever wanted to.

Saturday night was Thor.

Sunday was The Breakfast Club.

Yesterday I was planning on watching another 80′s classic I just haven’t seen, Say Anything, but as I got home I said to myself, no I’m going to watch every movie Tom Hiddelston has been in (there’s not many and most of them I’ve seen) so I watched War Horse.

I forgot that I told myself in 2011 when it came out I wasn’t going to watch it because I heard it was unbelievably sad. Mostly I forgot it was about a horse during WWI. I essentially thought it was a movie about a war general who was given the nickname “war horse” for his prowess in battle.

It’s not a movie about that at all.

If you haven’t seen War Horse don’t….unless you fully realize you will cry for 2.5 hours without stopping.

I lost it in the first ten minutes when the damn horse plowed the field and from that moment out it was all downhill, every scene that followed produced more tears than the last.

My crying ranged from a few stray tears escaping during especially heartwarming scenes, like when Joey meets Topthorn after the first battle and they’re best friends, to full on gasping for air, can’t see at all, tears streaming down my face crying. Every time I started to collect myself it just started up again.

It was so much emotion for me I had to look up the plot synopsis to see if it had a happy ending because I was certain if it didn’t I wouldn’t be able to handle watching it.

I just felt like sharing this because it’s not often that anything gets me to cry and there has been nothing that has ever made me cry that hard or that long…..ever.

Not sure what’s on tonight’s agenda as far as movies go, but I know for sure it will have to be lighthearted I don’t think I can handle any more emotion.

A Week Alone

Today is the start of my week alone. The man is off in Turkey for the week visiting family. I’m still rather upset about this trip because he booked it while he was in his mania and told me point blank I wasn’t allowed to go because everyone would talk about me in Turkish.

He knows how much I hate that. I do think it’s rude when I visit his family and they feel the need to talk about everything in Turkish when I know they all speak English. An attempt at speaking English would make me feel welcome.

But I digress.

I am ashamed to admit that I’ve been neglecting this blog. I would love to say its because there are a lot of fun and exciting things going on in my life but that is not the case. The highlight of my days has been exploring Pinterest’s new ‘Explore Interests’ feed.

I don’t know how they found a way to make a terribly addictive site even more addictive, but they did.

Screen Shot 2014-02-09 at 6.02.31 PM

 

Here is a little sample of what my interests page looks like. Can we all just admire for a minute that the biggest squares are; Tom Hiddelston, Jon Snow (2x), Time lords, Gin Fizz, and Loki. I mean this isn’t perfect yet their algorithm can’t be 100% accurate. I’m not sure if I like cheesy baked chicken more than I like marinated flank steak. Or that Bruno Mars even has a place on this…let’s just say I was a million times more excited to see The Chili Peppers at Halftime than him. Also, come on they only played one song!? I’m just glad it wasn’t off their new album.

But I really feel like I need to talk about my new-found admiration of Mr. Tom Hiddelston. It was purely due to reading The Sun Also Rises, and realizing that the scene where Owen Wilson is talking to Hemingway, F. Scott Fitzgerald, and Dali in A Midnight In Paris pretty much rips off the entire first part of the book, that I realized Mr. Hiddelston was F. Scott and I suddenly remembered that he is a damn fine looking man. (My sister says it’s because he looks like my Grandfather)

I’ll find a picture of my Grandfather younger so we can compare sometime. But isn’t he just dashing? Not many people can pull off a houndstooth blazer.

In my compulsive watching of Thor, Avengers, and the only other movie of his on Netflix, The Deep Blue Sea, I’ve learned to appreciate the grace with which he acts. It’s beautiful to watch him. But besides his obvious good looks and talent he’s actually an amazing guy.

I found this via that Interests feed.

Unicef – Tom Hiddelston

Can you say amazing? As I was reading I couldn’t help but think he’s not as public about his charity work as other celebrities are. I then looked at the comments and realized the entry with the most only had 10. Also, he did this a year ago. You’d think with his fan-girl base you’d have a lot of people commenting about it. Nope. Not that many. Which is awesome.

But that’s enough of my fan-girling, you get enough of that. Anyone else excited for Walking Dead??? I know I am, but unfortunately I’ve got to wait for the boy to come back to watch it with him.

My week is going to be spent drinking wine, reading some more Hemingway, and hopefully some more blogging. Also I’m going to be wildly dancing and signing about my apartment and enjoying the entire bed to myself! There is no greater pleasure than having the entire bed to yourself. I have desperately needed a copious amount of alone time.

Oh, I almost forgot I have now gone a month without Tramadol. I am insanely proud of this. I don’t know what I did to be so lucky to have my pain level decreased so dramatically. I was looking back in my pain journal from this time last year and I was averaging 6-9 a day now I’m around 3-5. I’m really thinking it was mostly due to stress, perhaps glutamate as a second.

My theory is that I had such a bad build up of glutamate that reducing it and taking the Tramadol daily helped my body to convert the rest to GABA. Don’t take my word for it, that’s just my theory.

I also am proud to say I joined a Fibromyalgia support group here that I’m really excited to start going to. I need to meet more people that experience the same things in life that I do. Did I tell you about my co-worker Donna who was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia to her surprise.

She wasn’t even concerned with the pain! And she got diagnosed! It makes me wonder how I’ve been complaining about the pain for so long and no doctor is willing to believe me yet. I asked her what doctor she goes to and she said she doesn’t! She said she doesn’t care about the Fibro and that it doesn’t cause her any discomfort! How unfair!

Anyway it’s about time I wrap this up I’ll be running out of things to talk about and then I won’t be blogging for another three weeks.

I’m Off To A Good Start This Year

I seriously need to start paying more attention to this blog! The good news is I moved around my apartment me yesterday and I placed my computer in the living room so that now I can hopefully blog a bit in the half hour time span I have of some downtime before I go to work. It’s nice my living room/kitchen area is finally coming together nicely and I’m finally starting to settle back into a nice routine. I must say it is really refreshing to have two consecutive days off on a weekend!

The boy is also fairly back to normal, which is good. We’re both nearly 100% sure it was a manic episode however small it was because he finally started to get a lot better when he started taking lithium.

However there are these new personality quirks he’s developed, they might have been there all along and I didn’t notice them though. For instance he’s now terribly addicted to his phone. Wherever we are, whoever we’re around, and whatever we’re doing, he’s got to be on his phone. I really don’t even know what he’s doing. It’s horrible, it’s embarrassing, and it’s rude. The other night we were having dinner with friends and playing Risk and he was watching tv on his phone in the middle of the game. I was so mortified. My friends have started asking me not to invite him when we go places because he’s that annoying.

Alongside this little phone tick he also has to be the center of attention otherwise he thinks whatever we’re doing is boring. If no one’s paying attention to him his jokes get cruder and cross more lines. He becomes abrasive to the point where no one engages him and he just retreats into his phone. Instead of being a normal person and just listening to the conversation or paying attention to something boring he has to make it all about him.

As I said I don’t know if these traits were always there and I never noticed because we didn’t go out much and when we did go out he was nowhere to be found? I don’t know but it sure as hell is annoying his complete lack of social tact.

And on another final note because I’m very quickly running out of time, I’ve been tramadol free since Christmas. It wasn’t a resolution or anything, this year I didn’t make any resolutions. It was simply due to the shipment didn’t come in time and I had already gone three weeks without it and felt ok. I obviously don’t feel 100% but still flares are down, I’m sleeping (well lately I haven’t been sleeping well but it’s not due to pain it’s due to restless mind syndrome), and most importantly day-to-day I feel like what I felt like in college.

This is good because I was managing my pain pretty well in college it was post college that it got completely unbearable. However, I did have a terrible flare the other night and took tramadol and I wasn’t able to sleep on it. It was odd because I had always been able to sleep on tramadol, heck tramadol put me to sleep. Now the opposite is true so I have no idea what I should take at night when it gets really bad. I’m hoping it’s just a weird thing and isn’t the tramadol and it’s more to do with extra caffeine intake after 1pm.

But either way I’m excited that I no longer need daily pain medication in order to control my symptoms. I’m glad that I’ve finally gotten back to a decent level of day-to-day pain. My main ideas around the contributing factors were reducing the level of glutamate I was consuming, lowering my stress level, and forcing myself via medication to get deep, restful, sleep. Now when I’m flaring I just take a hot bath with a muscle relaxant epsom salt mix I found at CVS then go lie on the spoonk mat for 45 minutes.

Honestly, the bath is hands down my go to now. I like to track how long I feel amazing for when I try a new pain relief method and with the spoonk I felt good for a few hours, but with the bath I felt good for half the day.

Here’s hoping that I’m going to be feeling this way for the foreseeable future, enough so that I can try hiking again this summer, because hiking is right up there with swimming as my favorite outdoor activity.

So in a nutshell my life is going smoothly again and I’m really just going to wait and see what unfolds and go in whatever direction seems best. Here’s’ hoping that I start posting more, perhaps I’ll post some pictures of the new place for you now that it’s starting to come together.

2014

It’s time for that obligatory post about my plans and goals for 2014.

This year I figured that I’m saying goodbye to the list of resolutions that I will accomplish only very half-assed. No, 2014 is the year of no resolutions, of no long-term goals, and no plans. I need the ability to be able to just ride the waves that life is bringing me and making decisions when decisions need to be made.

The only thing I’m hoping for is that I have the stamina and the drive to make it through this year. I’m not kidding myself here, it’s not going to be easy. Not with my relationship falling apart a little more every day. It’s not going to be easy carving out an entirely new way of living, so far I’ve done a fairly decent job at it, but this wrench is really starting to disrupt the sense of normalcy I’ve created.

The end of 2013 saw drastic changes in my life as I had known it.

- I moved back to NH and as wonderful as that has been I realize it wasn’t exactly what I dreamed it would be.

- I got a new apartment that I love but have to face the truth that I might not be here long

- My relationship of 5 years is very, very, quickly falling apart for reasons completely outside our control

I mentioned it in the last post that my boyfriend and I are fairly sure that he triggered bipolar. On good days he completely ignores me on the bad days his temper is ruthless, he’s never physically hurt me, but the things he’s said have caused me to become very emotionally distant. At this point I’m waiting for the day when he means what he says when he says ‘it’s over’. Hell, he’s already told all my friends and family that it is, yet when I start going through the motions of leaving he quickly changes his mind and tells me ‘I want you to stay’.

Unfortunately I don’t think our relationship is strong enough to survive this if it turns out to be bipolar disorder. I do understand that something is wrong with him, regardless of what that something is, but having to deal with two chronic disorders is not something I think I can handle. I’ve got a very loose grip on my problems, I don’t have the time or energy to tiptoe around his emotions and his irrational decisions.

As I said before, I’m hoping that I just have the strength to make it through 2014 and to make the decisions that I have to in order to go down the best path possible for me.

As always I will keep you updated. I also want to put this in here I got the most awesome thing for Christmas. I forget where I heard about this, some blog or fibro site, but it’s called a Spoonk Mat and what it is, is an accupressure mat. I love this. Seriously, I use it every night and it makes my lower back pain disappear for a few hours and makes me sooooo sleepy.  It was $60.00 well spent in my opinion.

 

Everything Falls Apart

It’s funny how things never, ever, work out the way you think they’re going to.

Here I was so excited to finally be back where I wanted to be.

I was excited to be in a new, beautiful apartment, in the part of town I wanted to live in.

I was excited to finally start planning for my future.

And in the week we moved here those dreams shattered and crumbled to a million tiny pieces.

I feel like I can talk about this openly here because many of you who read know and have been through similar things and will understand completely where I’m coming from.

I haven’t been candid about this because it was something I never truly considered was a problem…my boyfriend has/had a propensity to use recreational drugs. This has been a staple in his life even before I knew him. It never harmed anything and I didn’t care as long as it didn’t truly effect me.

It got bad on Long Island when he started taking research chemicals, one in particular MXE. At the worst with that he took it and convinced himself he was having a stroke and was admitted to the emergency room, ambulance and all. I ended up staying there with him for hours. I got there around 5pm and we finally went home around 1am. At that moment I told him I was never going to do that again and if he valued our relationship he’d stop.

I thought he had stopped.

Apparently moving here was stressful for him in ways I didn’t imagine possible. He starting taking that along with xanax at my moms house. I didn’t even realize he was taking it again until it was to late.

Around Thanksgiving it all changed. We’re both nearly 100% certain he triggered a manic episode and now is in the throes of bipolar. We say this because the same thing happened with his father. Also, all the signs fit. It’s like my fibromyalgia. It’s not 100% diagnosed yet, but we know that’s what it is.

The last three weeks have been horrible. He is CONSTANTLY talking to others (where he never did before), he talks to perfect strangers which is something he’d never have done in the 5 years I’ve known him. He’s also attempting to become more fluent in Turkish & German by talking (all the time) to his family in Turkey. He’s attempting to make these crazy business deals…he legitamately thinks he can start a business deal with a Turkish Company with his….he’s going to stores and asking who does their packaging because he wants to make these deals. He’s also lost all sense of the value of money. He keeps spending, and spending, and spending. Which is NOT his behavior at all in the 5 years I’ve known him he’s been SO stingy when it comes to spending money.

He’s made an appointment with a doctor because at least he, somewhere deep down, believes something is wrong. His family isn’t helping because they literally think that he’s just come to his senses about me.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention the biggest and hardest thing is that he’s treating me like crap. Somehow he’s blamed his mania on me, that he was taking all these drugs because he was ‘unhappy’ with our relationship. I know he’s just baiting fights because I know that behavior. However, it’s SO difficult because I feel like I’m walking on eggshells. Things I haven’t even touched or said somehow are used against me. He misplaces his tablet and it’s my fault it’s missing. He keeps telling me we’re incompatible and that if we broke up we’d have lost nothing in our relationship. He even told me that he thinks I’d be a terrible mother because I’m cold, heartless, and not at all tender (which I really don’t think is true).

In all that I’ve been reading about bipolar it seems as if that’s a standard treatment of loved ones that this disease is alienating for those who care about someone who suffers from it and that it’s the hardest part to work through.

My journey with this is just starting, yeah it’s at a horribly inconvenient time, but when was it ever going to be a good time?

It’s just crazy, I have no idea how I’m going to go about doing this I keep thinking how my life will be juggling our life now with two very different chronic illnesses. I hardly have the energy to take care of myself and now there’s the very real possibility that I’ll just have to put my health on the back burner and take care of his.

Seriously, I don’t know if I can do this and I don’t want to be considered a horrible person because I can’t manage it. Part of me keeps saying, ‘you care about him you need to stick around’, the other part of me says ‘you don’t deserve this, you deserve better don’t worry about him’. It’s sickening, horrible, and I’m all together just stressed out because I can’t even have a proper conversation with him about it.

I guess my question is how do you, as a loved one, deal with someone who has bipolar?

I’ll keep you updated as we find out more, when we finally get a solid diagnosis and are working towards a solution.

This, That, and the Other Thing

I know, I know, it’s been wayyyy to long this time. A whole month went by and I just haven’t had the time to post anything. The sucky thing about this new “normal” person job is that I feel like I don’t have time for anything when because of the fact that I have more time for everything.

I know, it’s confusing, but having weekends off means I can fit more of the things I want to do in, instead of trying to fit what I can in the hour I had before work (which is when I usually blogged).

But sadly that’s not the only reason that I haven’t been updating I moved into my apartment a week ago and a week before that my aunt actually came to live with my mom (and me). The good news out of that entire situation is that she left a bad relationship and I’m glad that she had somewhere to go, I’m also glad about the timing because my mom was getting pretty weird about me leaving. She wasn’t outright saying that she didn’t want me to leave, but she was saying things like ‘It’s not bad living here’ and ‘I cook for you don’t I?’.

What she doesn’t know and what I can’t tell her is that it was pretty bad she smokes inside the house now, I guess because it’s her own she has all the right in the world to, but I have allergies and honestly I think that kind of stuff triggers some of my flare ups. Also, I know this is for cost reasons, but my room in my house has NO insulation and she can’t afford to repair it or jack up the heat so it was ALWAYS cold and that also helped trigger a lot of flares.

But I did notice and this I’m going to try to see if I can research further, but I doubt there are any studies on it. I found that I flared less there than I have in the past. I’m wondering if reducing glutamate has lasting effects on the overall glutamate in your body.

It makes sense with what I’ve read, that your body can regulate the levels of glutamate when there are lower levels to deal with, I mean injury happens in the brain all the time. I use injury loosely here, as in cellular damage happens all the time which causes glutamate to leak out and there isn’t typically a problem, it’s when an extraordinary amount of glutamate leaks out that there’s a problem and clean up isn’t happening which is causing more and more cells to die and leak more glutamate. So I’m curious if reducing outside levels of glutamate in the body helps aid the clean up process.

I only say this because my flares have not been as bad as they have in the past despite the weather that’s been going on here. I did have a flare on Thursday but it resolved itself by Friday which really lead me to start thinking, hmmmm perhaps this might be something.

Either way I’ll let you know what I find and I’ll try to post more. Since I actually have weekends I’m getting an opportunity to be a little more creative, and I really hate a lot of furniture out there, so I’m going to attempt to make my own coffee table and if it turns out nice I’ll do the same for night stands. I’ll be sure to let you know how it all turns out.

 

Updates, Updates, Updates

It’s so weird for me to be living what I like to call an ‘actual’ adult life. I now work for an actual company, even if it’s a student loan collection agency. Heck, there are even cubicles and everything! (I really don’t know why that excites me…)

The bonuses about this job keep adding up too. For instance…

- I now have health insurance as of December 1st!!!!! Yes I’m forking over $60.00 a paycheck for a grand total of $140 something a month, but really this is SO much cheaper than the $300 a month plans I was looking into in NY. This is something that I can actually afford. I’m now one step closer to finally getting a solid diagnosis and getting the treatment I need.

- I now work 8-5. Yeah this week of training blew because I had to drive an hour to the seacoast each day, but I’m lucky that I’m done training this week and I’ll only be driving 30 minutes next week! Yay!

- Even though I work at a collection agency I’m not a collector! I’m admin so I guess I’ll be filing paperwork and all those kinds of lovely thing. They really haven’t told me what I’m going to be doing yet, I had to go through collector training regardless.

- Weekends off. My posts are going to start dwindling (if you haven’t already noticed) but I have two consecutive day’s off. I went out to a bar with my friends last night! I haven’t done that in so long and now that I don’t have to work the next day I can justify spending a little extra energy doing fun things on the weekends!!!

Yeah, I like this job and I really feel good about the direction my life is going in now. Honestly I can see myself having a life here and despite the weather (it’s been snowing off and on the past few days nothing worth getting excited about though) my symptoms have been in check, I haven’t really flared.

Yes, I’m sore and yes my joints feel really tight and the chairs in my office don’t have adequate lumbar support so my back hurts like crazy by the time I get home…I’m not flaring which is really good. I was thinking while I was back on Long Island it could have something to do with air quality. We all know how polluted it is down there and how much cleaner the air is up here. It’s possible that it could have an influence, I always seem to feel better up here regardless. I also know for a fact it’s the decreased stress levels. I feel SO stress free it’s amazing. I feel like I have more time and I feel like I’ve gotten a lot of my life back and for someone who suffers from a chronic pain disorder when you feel like you have any sort of normalcy from pre-fibro days back into your life, that’s more than you could ever hope for.

Also, I know this is going to sound tangential, but I CANNOT wait until we can move into our apartment. We got the green light that we’re set  to move in, they just have to clean it first. I was hoping it’d be this weekend, but it looks like it’s probably going to be next weekend. And this is why.

So last night at around 3am I wake up to my cats acting COMPLETELY CRAZY! They were running around the room (which is tiny) like they were rolling in the catnip. I wake up and I tell my boyfriend to turn on the light because I think there might be a flying squirrel in the room.

*side note here, we have had a flying squirrel problem in our house for a very long time. Every so often when I was a kid they’d make their way out of the walls and into the house. There were so many we started naming them… and yes we’d capture them and release them back into the wild, but come to find out they have a ‘homing’ sense and if you don’t take them over 20 miles away they’ll come back and since we’d trap them at night we’d just throw them out the front door.*

(cute in the picture, but terrifying at 3am)

My boyfriend goes to me “No, the cats are just playing go to sleep.” Now I knew the cats weren’t playing, when they play/fight they growl, hiss, and actually fight each other, this was a quiet running/jumping for them so I knew something was wrong. I tell him to turn on the light one more time which he does and I look and see Ginko by my bookcase swatting at something. I know instantly it’s a flying squirrel. I get up, look in the bookcase and there it is all terrified. I try to find a box to trap it in when it jumps at me. I almost had it trapped in a box a few minutes later when it jumped out and ran under my heater and behind the bookcase.

I wake my mom up and she grabs the trap and sets it right at the end of the bookcase, he doesn’t run in it and stays under the heater where we can’t see it. We leave it there the whole night, not hearing a peep from it, thinking it probably had a heart attack and died.

Come to find out that it’s still alive and hiding under the heater…gah I just want this thing to run into the trap so I can get it out of my room! It’s also funny that my cats are really disinterested in it, what great hunters I have. Ginko at one point last night was pawing around under my dresser and I’m thinking, ooo she’ll flush him out, nope, what was she flushing out? A headband…yeah…really great killers my cats are.

Anyway I’ll keep you all updated on everything from doctors appointments to the new apartment and to the flying squirrel situation.

Freezing My Ass Off

There is one thing I miss about my life in New York. This one thing I VERY dearly miss. I miss it enough for me to regret (at least this very moment) the decision to come here.

 

I miss living on my own.

I miss my very warm apartment.

I mean I knew all this and more.

I expected to hate living with my mother. I knew full well my house is kept at the temperature of an ice box. I also knew that it smelled horrifically of smoke.

I anticipated my mother being extremely annoying, but I did not expect it to reach this level so quickly.

It’s making me start to fill like I made a big mistake.

 

I knew it wouldn’t take long until I panicked and wanted a job. God, please, I just want a full time job starting tomorrow, or an interview, I just need something to do that doesn’t involve staying here.

Also, if I got a job I could move out of here SO much faster. It’s insane how little I want to live here.

Gah, I’m going stir crazy and getting all freaked out that I won’t get a job and I’ve been here only a week. It’s just the stress of having to live here again makes me realize everything I gave up.

Also this crippling cold ISN’T helping my symptoms at ALL I’m flaring pretty intensely at night without having done anything all day.

Nothing I can do except just apply and apply and apply.

Getting Settled

What a whirlwind of a week this has been! I haven’t even had a moment to just sit and breathe until today really.

So we drove back Thursday then had a crazy weekend full of funeral service for my Great-Grandmother who’s death was not surprising, considering she was 39 days away from turning 100. (I know, I know, she lived an extremely long and full life) Some of her crowning achievements were giving birth to 4 children, 14 grand-children, and a whopping 27 great-grand children. So I spent Saturday at the wake, Sunday at the Church Service, and Monday at the burial. It was really nice to see my family again after so long and it was nice to have everyone welcome me home so quickly.

Though there were a few who questioned why I moved back here from New York, it still blows my mind that some people don’t realize how much better it really is here and that my life goals do not center around living in a big city, but it’s really hard to explain to some close minded family members that it was honestly the best decision.

Tuesday was another big day. I finally bought a new computer! I know, I know, it’s a shocker because I’ve been talking about it needing/getting one for SO long. I bought myself a new 21in IMac, I didn’t need anything fancy and this screen is CERTAINLY big enough. I’ll show you a picture when I’ve cleaned up my desk area a little more.

We also toured the Endicott on Tuesday and as I figured we fell in love. We’re actually going to go for a 2 bedroom rather than a one bedroom because for roughly $75 more dollars a month we can get an extra bedroom, a street view, and a dishwasher. It’s totally worth it we’re planning on moving in at the end of November, beginning of December. I know it’s a brutal month to move but I’ve already spent a week at home and can’t handle it…I’ve been pretty sick and I can’t tell if it’s my bodies reaction to allergens or if I caught my Mother’s illness. It’s also FREEZING here, as I’m typing I can’t even feel the tips of my fingers. It’ll be nice to live in a place with heat and hot water included so I can have the heat on the warmer side, not as warm as our last place but certainly not this cold either.

Today I finally started getting into a groove. I started my first raw footage and it seems to be going pretty well. I’m going to keep this going then tomorrow hopefully start putting together at trailer. I plan to do this for the same length of time every day which obviously since I’m working from home I can take as many breaks as needed.

Gah, things are finally starting to hit me that I’m here for good now and not just on vacation. I got my car registered today and I just need to wait for the paperwork to be filed so I can get my plates. Then I can finally relax and start thinking of things to do.

Sorry this post was so boring, I promise things will pick up a little more the more I get settled in.